The secret language handshake

So I joined a couple of wedding forums. I did it so you didn’t have to.

I started reading some of the ‘sticky’s’ that remain on the top of one of the forums, to get an idea of different sites’ different rules.

No I didn’t.

I went straight to the post titled ‘bothered brides’ to see what’s getting our betrothed all worked up. And seriously, I am not going to waste my time reading stuff like ‘non-wedding chit-chat’ when there are far more tantilising threads that include ‘Share your concerns and grievances with other to-be-weds’.

This was going to be the Dolly Doctor of the wedding sites. I made a cup of tea and got settled. Let the salaciousness begin…

I was between reading Are they insulting me or is it just a ‘bride thing’ and beyond furious!!! when I realised I wasn’t enjoying this poor-cousin Jackie Collins as much as I anticipated.

These posts were riddled with acronyms I couldn’t understand.

I thought that once you got engaged you would be predisposed to reading this weird text-speak. I mean, I have been using LOL for years. I did find out the hard way that doesn’t mean ‘lots of love’…

I found that while having a perve at these forums, I needed to have an acronym dictionary open on my screen as well. And I’m sad to report that a problem with a certain bride’s STD wasn’t actually about some ill-thought-out tryst in the loos at the Hip-E-Club.

These girls, while their problems were slightly trivial to me, they spoke in a punchy tech-savvy slang that put me to shame. I didn’t understand it.

But this is why I am glad that I don’t understand it. I don’t do the acronym thing as I don’t want to exclude anyone. Acronyms can linguistically shut people out.

Mind you, I have said the words ‘forum’, ‘thread’ and ‘sticky’s’. I assume you know. If you don’t, you will need to consult Wikipedia.

OK try to translate this sentence….

While we’re not having BM or GM or a BP (I did think perhaps COB might’ve worked) we sure do hope to find an original way to tell MBS when I am FAB.

Translation –

While we’re not having Bridesmaid or Groomsman or a Bridal Party (I did think perhaps Cousin Of Bride might’ve worked) but we hope to find an original way to tell My Bridal Story when I am Finally A Bride.

OK. Crap sentence, but you get the picture. Bottom line is  – it’s isolating for a new reader.

Just write the damn word.

FYI….

BM = Bridesmaid or Best Man. I personally like ‘Bridesman’ and ‘Best Maid’.

BP = Bridal Party. Not the oil company but it does make this story more interesting.

DH = Dear Husband. He can be expensive.

E-ring = engagement ring. See I thought anything with a precursory e is tech-speak for ‘online’.

FI = Fiancé (male) or Fiancée (female). Not to be confused with my friend Fiona, known as Fie.

FIL = Father In Law. How lucky would you be if your FIL’s name was Phil?

FILs = Future in-laws, sometimes referred to as:

  • FBIL = Future Brother-in-law
  • FFIL = Future Father-in-law
  • FMIL = Future Mother-in-law
  • FSIL = Future Sister-in-law – See I just call all these geezers by their names.

HM = Honeymoon. Otherwise known as BSH or the ‘body slam holiday’. No?

GM = Groomsmen. Really? A lot to answer for here then.

LTBM = Living together before marriage. At your own peril. If you do this you will burn in hell for eternity 😀

MIL = Mother In Law. This is a tricky one if you have younger brothers. Eh? Could easily fall into a whole other acronym….

RB = Ring Bearer. LOL.

RD = Rehearsal Dinner. American. But a practice dinner is important for those who forget how dinner goes.

TY = Thank you. I don’t think this should ever be shortened. Say it. Often. In normal life.

WP = wedding party. Does this mean that WPA stands for the band ‘Weddings, Parties, Anything’? Methinks yes.

B2B = Bride-To-Be. Reminds me of Boyz II Men.

FAB = Finally a Bride. Might as well say ‘the chosen one’.

MBS = My Bride Story. Save this for your aunties. Not your Facebook status updates.

DIYB =  Do It Yourself Bride. Also known as BB for Bunnings Bride.

COB = Cousins of Bride. My cousins, especially Laura and Nina, would smack me over the head if I dared call them COBs.

RB =  Runaway Bride. Otherwise known as a crap movie.

FTBB = Fit To Be Bride. Say what..?

BTBI = Bride to Be Invitations. This phrase is used so often it needs an acronym?

B&G = Bride & Groom. In my case this can be supplemented with Pip and The Mister. Ta.

POB = Parents of Bride. No.

BG = Bride Groom. There is ALREADY an acronym for this! Isn’t it FI for fiance..?

BF = Bride’s Family. Too close to BFF. Or boyfriend. Or beef for short.

BB = Blushing Bride. This is also ‘Baptist Bride’. So be warned.

FOB = Father of Bride. Call him Kev.

BA = Bride’s Age. Ask for my BA and I turn into BA –  BA Baracus.

PB = Princess Bride. A top film….. It’s also The Mister and my initials. Nawww.

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