The closest I’ll get to writing a love letter

I am the only girl in my immediate family.

I have two older brothers, and two younger half-brothers.

You may be thinking something like, ‘Your Dad must be excited about walking his little girl down the aisle’.

The question of who is going to walk me down the aisle is a prickly one, and I am 34, not exactly ‘little girl’ material.

These are the candidates..

  • My Dad
  • My Stepdad
  • Emerson, my brother
  • My Mum

The truth is, I don’t want any of them to ‘give me away’.

I am going to get a little crunchy here for a second and say something completely eye-roll-worthy.

I am completely uncomfortable with the idea of acting out a weird tradition of exchanging property. Because, whether you like it or not, that is exactly what it represents.

This, coupled with a challenging relationship with my father…. aaaannnnd doing a sex, gender and culture unit at Murdoch makes the idea more and more vomiticious.

So I’ll spit it out now, patriarchal ideals of ownership.

Ahhh, that’s better.

Now that that’s out of the way and before I get all Game of Thrones on you, I’m going to tell you why I am going to do something, rather than grandstanding about why I am not.

*Disclaimer: I don’t want to make anyone feel bad about their personal choices. If you’re wedding was totes traditional and your Dad or whoever ‘gave you away’ and it felt right, my sincerest congratulations to you – you did what you wanted to do.

If someone gave me away, I would feel like a goat.

However, I can see how it is also a way of honouring those in your life that have loved and supported you up to this point in your life.

Well, guess who has been the champion of this relationship from the minute it was on, even when I wasn’t firing on all cylinders about it?

The Mister.

From the first time he ever said it, there has never, ever (ever!) been one day that he hasn’t told me he loved me.

Im the one that backs out of the schmaltzy, kissy stuff, Im the one that throws up possible deal-breaking scenarios, Im the one that doesn’t like holding hands in public, Im the one that tests him to the limit.

Why do I make it so hard? Well, the truth is, is that I don’t. He sees right through it. He knows that I am playing with him.

I back out of the schmaltz because I know he likes me to scream and laugh as he chases me and kisses me. It’s thrilling and a little bit scary. Sometimes I scream for real.

I talk about deal-breakers because it make for great conversation and proves that we can both understand each other’s boundaries.

I don’t like holding hands in public. But then, one time out of 50, I’ll surprise him and do it.  Because I know he just beams when I do it.

I push him to the limit because it makes our relationship muscle strong and flexible.  Also we both know that whatever we argue or disagree about, the relationship will never be used against the other. That is completely off the table.

Unless he told me he voted for Tony Abbott.

This is why we’re walking down the aisle together.

There are three other reasons why we’re doing it this way.

  • It’s not just my day – it’s his day too.
  • He’s going to look like a fox, so why shouldn’t everyone get to admire him too?

And, my favourite reason…

When he comes up the aisle to meet me, away from all our guests, we get to steal a precious, private moment to ourselves.

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