You used to be my Wonderwall

Recently, another blogger friend of mine were shooting the breeze about ex-lovers, ex-boyfriends and songs.

So if you’ve read her column, you might think this is somewhat similar. Just a warning.

I happen to have more ex’s than The Mister. I wear it like a badge of honour but it’s probably more like a literal Purple Heart, significant battle wounds but have somehow come out the other side alive.

None are in my life anymore. I angrily let them know that on the ‘last ever phone call’ or at the ‘final exchange of belongings’ meeting by saying I have enough friends and I never want to see them again as some limp last-ditch attempt at hurting them.

But there is one thing that really pisses me off about ex’s. The fact that the emotional and literal mixed tape that belonged to each of them are now ‘banned songs’.

These song will NEVER make the list of acceptable songs to be played at my wedding. They’ve been blacklisted, along with the Grease Megamix, Jivebunny, ABBA or Rednex.

Let me explain.

I don’t know much about that Nicki Minaj or, umm, or (insert current pop princess) but I do know bizarre facts about songs that seem to always be pre-2002. My favourite genre of music is ‘80s big-hair cock rock.

The Mister shows me off like a freakshow whenever 94.5’s party hits comes on and quizzes me on songs. Usually 4 bars into a track, sometimes even the first chord, I’ll recongnise the song and the artist. I can even tell the difference between the opening bars of ‘Under Pressure’ by Queen and ‘Ice, Ice Baby’ by Vanilla Ice.

Music is an overwhelming beast. And when it collides with past memories, I don’t know about you, but I can be affected for days. DAYS.

Ex’s can ruin perfectly awesome songs.

In turn, these songs can ruin you – especially if you’re like me and get caught up in a fixation, like a zombie after brains, and must inflict the song over and over with massive headphones on.

If I don’t have the song on iTunes already, I know I have sent songs straight to ‘most viewed’ on YouTube with the amount of continual replays I’ll give it.

So, here we go. These are the songs that definitely will not be played at the wedding and the reasons why.

Ick, this is going to be painful.

My first real boyfriend. We were so on and off and mad about each other. There was SO much intensity that we both nearly self-combusted. Although my parents didn’t approve, what they never knew is that he treated me so much better than they realised. He was beautiful, gorgeous and tried so hard. He loved me completely and I gave him hell for it. He didn’t deserve any of it.  He now has two incredibly sweet-looking kids but I don’t know much about where his is in life. These were our songs….

Wonderwall by Oasis

Hero of the Day by Metallica

Tonight, Tonight by The Smashing Pumpkins

Cryin’ by Aerosmith

This next clip reminds me of a footballer I dated. I remember the song more than him. His room stank. The album came out the year we got together. We lasted about two months. Here it is…

Californication by Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Since we’re going chronologically and not in importance. This guy is next. This was a toughie. This was the guy ticked every single box. Parents adored him, probably more than me. What’s crazy is that I’m still best mates with his sister, though, instinctively we never talk about him.  We broke up because I believed he was too good for me. He was studying law, I was cleaning rooms FIFO at Jundee minesite. After we broke up (at the Orient pub in Freo, in front of his friends, nice) I started a downward spiral of going through boys like water. He’s married now to a lawyer wife. These were our songs…

Mr Boombastic by Shaggy

California Stars by Wilco and Billy Bragg

Amazing by Alex Lloyd

Flowers in the Window by Travis

This next song was from a weird little relationship. I met him online. I never truly knew what he did for a living. He worked mainly on weekends and always seemed to have cash to burn. He was a darling to look at and was an AMAZING lover, but I was still so burned by lawyer dude that I guess I wasn’t really emotionally available.  It took a stressful pregnancy scare to find out he was a jerk. So glad I still love this song…

Hotel Yorba by The White Stripes

This has my university lecturer written all over it. I didn’t have a relationship with him, but my word I would have. I did a sound engineering  unit at uni and to fully appreciate differently produced songs on different speakers, he played this song as a demonstration. He casually asked who the artist was. I was the star of the day by immediately blurting out ‘that’s Peter Gabriel’. I swear he was looking at me during the whole song which engulfed the whole room on those pumping JBL’s. That’s what I like to think anyway. Here it is….

In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel

This next group of tracks are picked from one of those real stories of when ‘if only things were different’ scenarios.  In my mind, this was The One That Got Away.  I blame the geography. At the time were both very career-minded and he was taken off to Malaysia for years before he was transferred to Queensland.  The funny thing was he worked for two years about four blocks from where I lived, the clock was already ticking when I met him three or four weeks before he was due to leave. The injustice.

 Alone by Heart

Electric Blue by Icehouse

Show me the Meaning of Being Lonely by The Backstreet Boys

I Remember You by Skid Row

So these were the major songs that I can’t just casually listen to. They have ruined me and would ruin my wedding if they were played.

Now if you don’t mind, I have to go and play some music…

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