So, I have finally come to terms with my biggest fear.
Other than snakes.
The last 6 months or so, all the parentals have been asking about where they can deposit money for us for the wedding.
Feelings of delight and dread, mixed with obligation and carsickness was, and still is, how I feel about it.
Anyway, last Saturday The Mister and I caught up with my mum. I hadn’t seen her for ages and I just wanted to squeeze the living daylights out of her. We did not stop talking. The Mister never really had a chance.
Then she said ‘I’m glad I caught you both actually, there’s something (my stepdad) and I have to give you’.
She proceeded to write a cheque out.
I looked at it and my eyes widened.
I mean, who the hell writes cheques anymore?
After she passed it on, she sighed. A heavy sigh, like the house had finally sold.
She nervously laughed again, saying it was last she’d ever have to pay my way.
Don’t get me wrong, this antiquated ‘writing of the cheque’ meant something bigger than the numbers written on it.
All those years of bailing me out of busted hot water systems, car repairs that cost more than the car and coming through for me when it really was a case of food or electricity.
This might sound slightly dramatic – but my mum and I are dramatic.
As my next of kin, she was signing off. Literally.
The first person I now turn to isn’t mum, it’s The Mister. And this was the first time we acknowledged it.
It’s another one of those sad-but-happy moments where you can feel the emotional tectonic plates moving. This is where some of the hard work starts. I have to relinquish terra firma and cautiously tap my toe on to the unchartered territory ahead of me and trust that The Mister will catch me.
You know when people say ‘you need to think about what’s important, it’s not just about the wedding’? This is the biggest thing I’ve had to wrap my head around. That and the invitations.
It’s a massive deal to trust someone that they’re going to love you, keep you as safe as they can, support you as best they can and be the best person they know they can.
Because, you know what?
You have to pretty much promise the exact same thing.
They’re taking the same punt on you.
Family, in a sense, can be easier to trust because they’re family (yes, with some very difficult exceptions). But this is someone who has, on his own accord, stuck up his hand and said, ‘yeah, I’ll give that a crack’.
To me, my marriage has already started.
But it won’t be until our wedding day that he will have signed on. Literally.