When wedding shows almost get it right

So, I have five words for you.

Don’t Tell The Bride.


I liked it.


Picture this: The groom is given $25,000 and must choose every detail of his wedding, from venue to cake to wedding dress. Kooky, huh?

As soon as The Mister and I sat down to watch the perfectly cast Mel as The Princess and her fiancé Aaron as The Doofus.

Within the first 30 seconds, both The Mister and I were stunned mullets watching this train wreck, the only word we could seemingly muster was ‘goodness gracious me’ (it wasn’t ‘goodness gracious me’).

It’s been dubbed ‘wedding-themed torture porn’.

The groom, who we all know deep down doesn’t ever want anything to do with organising a wedding is tortured, as it’s the chick’s job. Amirite guys?

The bride, who we all know has been dreaming about this day since she was a little girl, now has to give the reins over to the groom. She is tortured. Let’s poke the bear!

But producers are wily creatures. Lets throw in the groom’s idiodic, band-T-shirt wearing, beer-swilling, constantly hungover-looking best man as the groom’s only means of ‘moral’ support.

And, ladies and gentlemen, we have a show.

There are some things about this show that I like.

  • The Freaky Friday tables-are-turned element. So many LOLs
  • Juxtaposed editing – the jump cuts from a gorgeous, warm, romantic location to the freezing, blizzard, wasteland-ish conditions at the near-top of a ski-resort
  • The tension of ‘will the bride show up?’ element
  • Showing the previously-uptight bride finally loosening up to enjoy her wedding day. It might take a meltdown or two, but hey, that’s showbiz, kiddo
  • It’s better than Four Weddings, where the rich bitch always wins the undeserved luxury honeymoon prize.

Things that don’t feel right about this show

  • The groom having no idea the best man is taking advantage of the 25K kitty by getting absolutely hammered every night
  • The exploitation of cash-strapped couples
  • The implication that a normal wedding costs $25,000
  • The groom dipping into his own savings to secure a charter plane flight.
  • The doofus being painted as an asshole, and not his ‘best’ man, when more than $2500 was dropped on his (lingerie rugby football) buck’s night and only $500 was spent on Mel’s seedy burlesque lesson.
  • Having Mel’s nan sitting outside in the -2 conditions in Thredbo with the blanket wrapped around her.


Last night I watched the UK version of this show, called Don’t Tell The Bride (funny that).

The British couple has £12,000 to play with, which roughly nudges over $AU18,000.

I don’t know what felt different about this couple, but there was something really sincere about them.

You could tell that the bride just really wanted to marry her beau and, she really just wanted a ‘dream’ wedding and couldn’t afford it.

Thank goodness there was a production team on hand to ‘help’ her in this situation.

Her groom was no doofus, however he was terrified to get any choices wrong.

There was genuine care about what she would want, and was smart enough that when it came to the budget running out, instead of using his own money, he re-negotiated with vendors to claw back some cash.

There was no bravado – he clearly saw a rare opportunity to make the best out of a rough (and weird) situation.

His bride got upset about the dress he picked for her, but who wouldn’t get twitchy about having anyone pick out an outfit for you?  The last time someone picked out my clothes I think I was about 5 years old.

In the end of both shows, there were happy endings. Not like with Four Weddings, where three of the four brides are left feeling like worthless shags on rocks while Barbie McMoneybags headed for the Maldives for a honeymoon she was probably going to go on anyway.

On Don’t Tell The Bride, no one was truly angry or upset – perhaps only Mel with Aaron’s choice of wedding ring – and you got the feeling that it was the marriage and not the wedding that really mattered in the end.

If anything, might get couples talking.

…Especially about how better to spend $25-grand.

Tagged with: