Keep calm and carry this

So, OK

One of the perks of having bridesmaids would have to be the fact that they expect to be ordered around. Even if these orders are wrapped in good manners, they’re still ‘get me this’ or ‘can you go do that’ no matter how much you sugar-coat it.

While I’m not regretting not having a bridal party – personally the cons far outweigh the pros – I’m starting to appreciate how handy one would be at this late stage.

I honestly thought I could replace the concept of a ‘maid of honour’ by having pockets sewn into  my wedding gown. Seriously. All they do is hold stuff and produce band aids and tissues as they’re needed, right?

OK, maybe not, but you can see what I mean. To me, bridesmaids are handy pockets.

As it turned out, my wedding gown (I picked it up the other day, squeeee!) was meant to be rather understated, with pockets.

Over the months, my brain got a bit wedding cray-cray. And the dress that I ended up with was far from the simple idea I had about a year ago.

This is no criticism of The Seamstress – this was all my decision and she gave me loads of opportunity to change my mind. But in the end, although it’s slightly more fussy than I thought I’d be into, but I adore my dress.

My only regret is that I should’ve tried on some off-the-rack gowns to get an idea of what I liked or didn’t like. You know, like on ‘Don’t Tell The Bride’, the bride goes ‘ewww, I would never ever wear that abomination! I mean, look at it! It’s white!’ But then when she tries it on, more often than not, she ends up loving it (or the producers have said something like, hey we’ll throw in an extra grand if you just go with it, mmkay?)

I guess what I’m saying is, it’s better to have and not need than to need and not have – this goes for trying on gowns, if it’s a shit dress, at least you’ve tried it on, amirite?

But the only thing is, my dress – it ain’t got pockets. The realisation dawned on me that I might not have them was when I realised that they might add bulk to an already bulky area of my bod. And that, uuuuuggggh, was more important to me than having pockets. They simply weren’t going to work on the style of dress I wanted.

So I had no pockets and no bridesmaid I can use as a pack horse.

I had one silverlining. The venue.

Nothing will be outside and we’re not popping out to do post-wedding photos. We’re in the one place. And that place is providing me with a dressing room. Best case scenario.

So I have the ‘keep calm and carry this’ bag. It’s like something McGyver would have if he was a bride. The ultimate bag of tricks.

  • Nurofen
  • Band-Aids & party feet
  • Chalk (to cover up any last minute smudges or smears on your wedding dress)
  • Clear nail polish (for stocking runs)
  • Eye drops
  • Extra earring backs
  • Hand towelettes & tissues
  • Hair lackeys & bobby pins
  • Lighter
  • Hip flask of booze (I am being realistic, sometimes you need something bad to normalise yourself on such a non-normal day)
  • Safety pins & nail clippers (can act as a simple cutter for rogue threads etc)
  • Ready-threaded sewing needles
  • Tweezers & emery board
  • Super glue (for emergency hemming or heel snappages)
  • Tampons
  • Insect repellant & sunscreen
  • Mini mouthwash & hand sanitiser
  • Full-charged phone and phone charger – someone will need it
  • Spare pantyhose and comfy Bridget Jones undies – save the sex-o-rama ones for later
  • Gaffer tape – fix hems, make emergency pasties and lint grabber all in one. And if you need double-sided tape, take a piece of regular tape and make a loop with it with the sticky on the outside. Emergency double-sided tape.
  • Refillable water bottle and straws – especially if you’re going from one venue to another
  • Glasses cleaners and contact lens solution
  • Blotting paper
  • Cash




















Am I missing anything?