When anniversaries just aren’t enough

Depending on who you talk to, The Mister and I have been together for 6 years, or one year.

We both like to say six, only as it sounds so, you know, long term.

Before him, I used to add up my ‘we’ve been going out for’ number like a baby, in months, not years. Because it never really got beyond ‘years’.

I only recently mentioned to a colleague (who is also a dad, let’s call him Mike) that I have to do this weird sum in my head when someone tells me the age of their young kidlet – similar to when you’re watching the US version of Biggest Loser with your metric converter app open on your phone to work out if 7lbs is, you know, well, what is that?

You know, because parents of tiny tots speak in months, not years.

Anyway Mike shed some light on the reason why parents speak of their tiny tots in months and not years: there can be some significant differences in a bub that’s 13 months to 15 months, let alone one and two years.

I had never heard this before. It was a revelation.

I was genuinely pleased that someone had actually filled me in as I could never work out why these fancy pants parents were talking about their kid’s age in fancy pants months and not just say, ‘Oh yes, our darling little Skittles McGee-Face is two in about four months’ time’. No, no, no, it’s 20 MONTHS.

Still, when I hear that I draw a complete blank before saying ‘Oh riiiiiight’ – only as 20 months means as much to me as ‘itchy telephone hoof’ does.

Anyway, Mike went on to say that after a couple of years, parents tend to go back to the year thing – 2, 2-and-a-half, 3 and so on. But I don’t believe everyone follows this as I overheard a woman on the train say her son was 49 months old. I’m pretty sure I had an actual physical reaction to that as my meagre conversion skills immediately turned to dust.

I’ve noticed that some newlyweds tend to do the same thing. I mean, it makes perfect sense during that first year because you can only measure the time since getting together or getting married or whatever in months (or weeks if you want to be really kooky about it), but to actively celebrate it?

Look, I’m all about ‘showing your love on all the days, not just Valentines’ Day’ and hitting those lovey-dovey anniversary milestones since first meeting or whatever.  But it’s when those anniversaries aren’t anniversaries anymore, they’re monthaversaries. And you know what? I think it’s a thing.

OK, so, I understand the excitement, I get it is a big deal. But , woah, I GET IT.

I’ll accept the ‘countdowns’ to a wedding, I do like to watch a good freak out unfold on Facebook, but after the fact, well, an annual shoutout to your husband or significant other on that milestone is endearing – but every month?

The only person who should be celebrating these very tiny day-by-day milestones in a marriage is Kim Kardashian.

But it’s not just the ladies doing this. Some blokes love nothing more than to send their special dame (or fella) a bunch of flowers or a sweet note accompanying their work lunch.

Except I’m yet to meet a guy who seems to only do this for the likes, the comments or the retweets. If I get an ‘anniversary’ love note from The Mister, it’s never on social media. It’s left for me on the bathroom mirror, or in the fridge, or on the kitchen table so I’ll see it when I put my bag down after getting in from work. Or if all else fails, taped to the TV remote.

And while I accept that I’M the one in our partnership that is more likely to mention his lovey-dovey ‘on this day 7.8 months ago’ gesture on Facey or Insti along with a heavily filtered photo as ‘proof’ – or the Face-army killjoys will smugly declare that it didn’t happen – I can’t remember ever actually doing it.

It reminds me of when, as a kid, you used to write letters to your pal and after writing the suburb and state on the envelope you end up going on and on:

Susie Honk-nose

12 Lockhart Street

Thornlie, Western Australia

Australia

Southern Hemisphere

The World

The Milky Way

The Universe

But, like with babies, when do you stop the month-by-month documentary and graduate to the actual anniversary?

These are from real posts from around the interwebz –

40th Monthaversary… [pic heavy!]

3 monthaversary – He did it again….I got flowers. If you want to see the flowers from the last couple months you can check it out here (she provides a link to her past monthly floral surprises)

Monthaversary cake ideas

And this is how it can just get out of hand –

 We celebrated our first monthaversary, because it was my birthday, and then our second one because it was just a few days away from our engagement anniversary, and then after that it kind of fell off until the 6 month mark. I still would look at the calender, note the date, and say Happy Anniversary to my husband on the 12th, but nothing more than that. And actually, I completely forgot in August and I think probably in July as well! Oops!

Only one mentioned theirweek-versary!’, but I’m confident no one noticed it.

What happens when 'Overly Attached Girlfriend' gets married.
What happens when ‘Overly Attached Girlfriend’ gets married.

If you’re one of those people hooked on docu-declaring every single ‘this time (insert any number you fancy) months ago’ and have no idea on how to stem the urge, there is a way to sing from the rooftops and not have everyone surreptitiously hide you on their newsfeeds:

Take a picture of you and your partner on your ‘monthaversary’ (ugh) and DON’T POST IT.

The feeling you have doing this is called ‘delayed gratification’. I often practice this feeling when waiting for the entire season of Game of Thrones to air so I can binge-watch it over one glorious weekend. Painful, but goodness gracious it’s worth it.

Throughout the year, you are going to collect all those ‘monthaversary’ pictures and on your anniversary, upload the 12 pics to an album called something like Our First Year.

Everyone wins.

For the record, we’re about to celebrate our 15th monthaversary, or 451 day-versary.

I can barely contain myself.

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