The other American Horror Story: Hotel 

What Hotel Pennsylvania got wrong
No reservations desk on-site, there is a check-in counter and that is it. They couldn’t give less of a shit that you spoke to ‘Louis’ in reservations. That’s in Florida and he’s not here. You have Martha. Deal with it. 
Check in takes its sweet damn time. So the queue is usually this long. Got a simple question? Line up. Got another question? Line up again, chump.

Very small, dark, beige rooms. Either that or they’re white but not very clean.

I’ve mentioned this before but an over-representation of clunky big, unnecessary furniture. Like when Paul Rudd said ‘there are five different types of chairs in this hotel room’ in Knocked Up. If they got rid of the giant TV cabinet that ill-fittingly (swallowed) housed one of the latest TVs from 1995 and still had room for a ghetto blaster and a CD tower, here would be SO much more space. And seriously, if you’re going to include a huge brown bankers desk in the room, at least have the courtesy to include a typewriter, a printing press and a staff of three as well. 

The TV is the opposite to a flat screen. It’s huge, as in depth, not width.

There is a 2-3 second delay before the TV remote signal reaches the TV. That’s a long time. 

No complimentary WiFi. No wonder why Starbucks is so popular. It’s the free WiFi (and maybe also their delicious green tea lemonade)

Check in is 3pm. Not great when you arrive at 10am. Oh and that queue? I never saw it much shorter than that. Good times. 

The shower curtains. Crikey O’Reilly, remember those really cheap, thick, heavy vinyl tablecloths? It was like having one of those hung up right next to you while you’re trying to get clean and trying for dear life not to accidentally brush up against it. The horror when you did.

What they got right

Location. I guess that’s one of the things they can absolutely trade on, if you want to be where everything is and don’t plan on spending a great deal of time in your room other than to sleep and shower, it fits the bill.

The ‘lower lobby’. I’m sure a lot of hotels have a luggage hold for when you check out but aren’t leaving the city for a few hours. For $5, you can leave your bags and have access to bathroom facilities until 7pm. That’s a good deal. 

Comfy mattresses. LOL. Just kidding. They’re rubbish. 

Baths. I stayed in two different rooms and they both had a tub. Crucial to a post-city-walking recovery session.

Air conditioning. Was loud, but worked. 

11am check-out is pretty sweet. 

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