If You’re On Facebook, You’re Almost Certainly On Tinder

Never been on Tinder?

Here’s something you probably don’t know – you’re probably already on it.

Confused? Good. Bear with me, I’ll explain.

So, you know when you sign up to a new app or site and they ask you to sign up, and there’s usually more than one way to do so – email, Facebook or Twitter or whatever.

You always have that split-second thought: ‘snakes alive, I don’t want anything from this site to end up on Facebook’, but then you read the very slightly finer reassuring print that ‘we will not publish anything… blah blah’ whatever it says, I’ve forgotten.

Anyway, because you’re already on Facebook and here you are at the gate of Tinder thinking how did it all come to this… you just click ‘sign in using Facebook’. I can’t stand having more passwords than I need to.

What I like about Tinder is how disposable simple it is…

Don’t like someone? Swipe left.

Like someone? Swipe right.

If someone likes the look of you, they too swipe right.

With Tinder, two rights don’t make a wrong, they make a match.

Only if you both right swipe are you free to message each other.

If they left-swiped you, you’ll never know.

I dunno about you other daters out there but hearing that distinct ‘bloopoloopbling’ sound means one thing to me: it’s the point where I say aloud ‘Ah, yes, welcome sir, may the odds be ever in your favour’.

Unless you’ve matched with someone who is just a really reasonable no-nonsense kind of guy (aka Jesus), this is usually where you find yourself faced with one of two games.

If I’m swiping away and hear the ‘bloopoloopbling’ sound, indicating I’ve matched with someone… I usually like to start messaging straight away (yeah, that that, society!). If I’m not swiping and hear it, meaning someone swiping somewhere has matched with me, I’ll usually hang on a bit for them to message me.


But sometimes you’re distracted and aren’t in the mood or have time to settle into a banter-induced repartee for the next halfie. Sometimes you just want them to text first to gauge their level of keen. Sometimes you just get caught up in the line at Coles and you just really need to get your shopping in the car and you catch all the red lights then finally get everything home and the cat has thrown up a furball and you’re just left wondering where it all went wrong and why I bought yet another bottle of passata (that now makes five in the cupboard) but no goddam paper towels.

Sometimes it’s just not a good time.

But sometimes, all of a sudden, you realise NO ONE IS MAKING A MOVE.

Welcome to Tinder Chicken. Who will blink first and fire off the first text, admitting defeat?

Not gonna lie, it’s usually me.

While it’s wonderful to be approached first, I don’t mind making that first textual impression, coz I try to make it a zinger… though I feel I may need to realign the goal posts, as the last seven times I made the first approach on eHarmony, there were zero replies… and I wonder why I’m not getting as excited when upon hearing the ‘bloopoloopbling’ as I used to.

Other than Tinder Chicken, the other game I’m catching onto is one I call Match/Unmatch. It can happen after a few days of Tinder Chicken, but only just recently I’ve noticed that this game is one that can be over in minutes.

‘Bloopoloopbling’ you hear as you make the mad dash to City Farmers before they shut, knowing they’ve got whole slabs of Fancy Feast on the cheap… but by the time you’ve picked up your 48 tins (I wish I was kidding) you realise your latest match has disappeared.


^^This is my life now.

Or you’re taking your time constructing your zinger opener by using material from their bio or pictures, and by the time you’ve come up with an irresistible pearler…they’ve vanished.

Apparently this way of using Tinder is a well-known secret.

Instead of swiping right on just the people you’re actually attracted to, you swipe right on EVERYONE IN SIGHT. In fact, for those who take it really seriously, you can download auto-liker apps that will right-swipe on your behalf, you know, forever.

That way, obviously, you’re match rate will increase because, whether you fancy them or not, you’re systematically matching with everyone who right-swipes you.

Once the matches start pouring in, you can start the unmatching process.

While this is seemingly a more efficient way of trawling matches, it’s a bit of a dick move for those you’re unmatching. But who cares about other people; the more darts you throw the more that are bound to hit the board, right?

I get it. I understand. It’s a numbers game.

But this is where the argument of ‘efficiency’ becomes a little redundant.

When you think about it, this strategy will match you with all your possible matches – but, huzzah, you still have to put in time and effort to weed out the ones you like. To me it seems completely counterproductive to being efficient, and not to mention kinda narcissistic that people who do this only deal with people who fancy them.

I use my own methods when deciding whether to right or left swipe.

Tinder gives users the option to make their Instagram or Spotify available.

I loved this idea as, back in the day, what better way to get a sense of who a bloke is than by flicking through his CD collection. Unfortunately, it only makes one song of their choosing, their ‘anthem’, visible. I reckon you should be able to display more but hey, here we are. But it’s better than nothing at all, if anything, it can give you something to talk to about, like ‘sooo, what’s this about John Mayer, eh?’


Unlike Spotify, if they’ve enabled their Instagram, it’s pretty much unfettered access. A couple of times I’ve gone through entire timelines before forgetting what I was even doing, but it does give a good insight to what their interests are.

But the main process for vetting guys, for me, is by using Facebook.

If, like me, said person had originally registered on Tinder using Facebook, there is this thing that comes up on their profile that shows if you have mutual friends, or mutual friends of friends.

Behold: Andrew.

Andrew registered by way of Facebook, as did you, so therefore you can see all the friends you have in common. I’m talking full names and photos.

You’ll see a number next to your friend’s Facebook picture, usually a 1 or a 2. If it says 2, it means that you have mutual friends of friends. Like a second degree of separation.

If you see a 1 next to your friend, you’ve hit the jackpot.

I’ve circled what I’m talking about in red…


I then hop into Facebook, go to the friend who is listed as a 1, pull up their friend list and look up the guy’s name. If the guy has lax security settings, you can go through their profile, their photos, everything… obvs you can’t if their security is tight. But at least you’ve confirmed that the person actually exists.

I know what you’re thinking. I’m bananas. But I’m not. And here’s why: you can ask your Facebook friend if they can vouch for this dude. Which is kind of old-school dating, you would meet people through friends – if your friends knew this guy, they can vouch for him straight-up, whether he’s a good guy or a complete waste of time.

Now, what your Facebook friend may not know, is that they didn’t ask for their association to Tinder users to be so publicly available.

Now you know.

And like G.I. Joe says… knowing is half the battle.


I don’t really know why I wrote that but it seemed like some pretty solid advice, but I don’t know what the other half of the battle is.

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